Sharing
erotic video
y, my. What would your mother say if she found out (gasp!) that you
may be thinking about watching a porn flick with your lover, your
spouse, or even all by yourself?
Girl, what's wrong with you? Who CARES what
your mother thinks?! As if this is any of her business!
(Guys, I doubt you have much to learn from
me about how you pick a porn video, but please keep reading. You need
to understand how we ladies think about such things so you can be
on the same page as your honey.)
In spite of your mother's opinion, you might
want to consider what the honorary "grandma" of relationship-advice
experts had to say. Yes, good old Ann Landers, who reigned supreme
in offering couples wisdom about sex, approved of such things.
Yes, she did -- and she actually suggested
that couples watch "adult" movies together as a way to spice up your
sex life. So if Ann Landers said it's OK, calm down and read what
Auntie Rose has to say.
The advantages of erotic videos
You know, of course, that most men
absolutely love porn flicks and can enjoy them without any of the
guilt issues we cope with.
So, since it's a fact that your man likes
these movies, I can guarantee you that he will very much appreciate
his lover taking an interest in watching them, too. Advantage number
one.
And Auntie is going to bet that you, too,
my dear, will enjoy watching an "adult movie," especially if it's
well-made. You'll enjoy it even so if you can admit your fantasies
to yourself and your lover. Then pick out a few titles that bring
your favorite fantasies to life. It's a great ice-breaker to open
up a dialogue with your guy about those hard-to-talk-about itches
you want to scratch. (See discussion of fantasies
on the women's page.) Advantage number two.
Maybe you don't have any problem getting your
guy turned on. But just on the off chance that he's a slow starter,
the right porn flick will definitely light his fuse. It shouldn't
be a big surprise that sexual fantasies played out on screen can help
a guy get an erection, either quicker or harder than he might otherwise.
Advantage number three.
The best advantage, hon, is that you will
almost certainly get turned on yourself! Include carefully selected
adult videos in your portfolio of favorite foreplay
techniques. Losing yourself in a vicarious fantasy inspired by the
antics on the screen is a great way to get yourself aroused.
Choosing and buying adult videos
It's such a relief that digital technology
has made it easy for couples to share a wide range of sexually explicit
entertainment in the privacy of their own homes. As you browse, keep
in mind these broad categories:
Couples Movies offer more realistic
sex, plausible plot lines and at least a hint of romance, making them
perfect for a hot night with your lover.
Feature Movies combine sex with a story
line and have some of the best acting and production values the adult
industry has to offer. Some of the best of these are take-offs on
well-known Hollywood hits, featuring the sexual exploits of familiar
characters such as swashbuckling pirates, adventurous archaeologists,
etc.
Specialty Movies appeal to fans of
specific "niche" subject matter, including Lesbian sex, bondage and
fetish, oral or anal sex, and older women ("MILFs.")
Soft-core Movies No explicit sex acts
occur in these movies, which may feature models posing for the camera,
strip-tease contests, or other erotic content.
The quality of sex videos ranges from great
to dreadful. If you read online reviews, remember not everybody has
the same standards. A "couples" movie that a woman finds highly arousing
might get a "boring" rating from a reviewer who's just counting body
parts. So make your judgments according to what's important to you
and buy titles from reputable producers.
How-to Videos
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Videos for Couples
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Talking
and listening
alking about your sexual feelings and desires is so important, but
many couples find it difficult. Here are some ideas about how to "break
the ice" and bring up topics you might find difficult. Also, how to
keep your mind open and really listen to your partner.
It's often easier to ask your partner if there's
anything she/he might like to try, than to find a way to blurt out
that secret desire you've harboring. By showing your lover that you
care, and are open, to her fantasies and kinks, you're also opening
the lines of communication about your own interests. But with any
sensitive topic, timing is important. It's probably not the best conversational
gambit when either of you is tense, stressed from work, or irritated
about some squabble you've had.
Better idea: pick a time when you're both
relaxed, already "in the mood." Soaking in your Jacuzzi before bedtime,
with a glass of wine? Sure! Smooching on the sofa after the kids are
safely asleep? You bet.
So how do you start? Maybe say something like
this: "Honey, I've been wondering if there might be something you'd
like me to do for you that you aren't sure how to ask for." Be prepared,
though, if the first answer you get is: "Oh, I see what's going on.
There's something YOU want and you're trying to figure out to ask
ME." A perfectly honest reply would be, "Sure, I have my secret fantasies.
Everybody does. And I'll be glad to share them with you. But I really
do want to know about what turns YOU on."
You each have a past. Learn from it!
One other very important caution:
Don't freak out if what you hear has a connection to one of your partner's
former lovers. Maybe there's a technique she learned from an ex-boyfriend,
but she's worried that you'll want to know about that piece of her
history. Or worse yet, that you'll obsess about her past.
Listen. She's not with that guy anymore, is
she? She's with you. And she wants to introduce you to something that
you'll both enjoy. Show her you're enough of a man to appreciate all
the good stuff she brings to your bed, and not to stress about where
she first got every idea.
Still too bashful to tackle a tricky topic
directly? There's the tried-and-true method of using a book or magazine
article to raise the subject. "I was reading this really interesting
article. I left it on your desk for you." This works best, of course,
if the article in question is in a lifestyle or health publication.
Guys, more power to you if you can use this month's Hustler
center spread photoset to open a serious conversation with your lady.
But I don't recommend it.
How a lady invites a gentleman to dine
One problem that's too common: A great
majority of women like receiving oral sex. Many even prefer it to any
other technique. But some have trouble communicating this desire to
the men in their lives and in their beds. The simplest thing is to
make a simple statement. "I would love it if you would go down on
me." Or try the "fair play" approach: "I can tell how much you like
it when I give you oral sex. I'd like to have that same kind of pleasure
from you."
Once you've made your case, and he's doing
his best, the communicating isn't finished. It's really just starting.
Let's face it: men don't have a very good idea of how women's bodies
respond. The most well-meaning lover may feel tentative and clumsy
because he's playing an "away" game. Because you have the home-field
advantage, don't be afraid to coach him. Be as direct as you need
to: "A little higher." "Not quite so fast." "That's perfect! Keep
doing that, right there!"
I personally, have a man who knows just what
to do in this area. He is all about pleasing me. He says it is a huge
turn-on for him to watch and listen to me in the ecstasy of cunnilingus.
On that same subject, here's an "emoticon" you might use to let your
guy know what you're craving: (:-)~\|/
A word to the gals: If your guy just isn't
the right man for the job, Aunt
Rose's Closet has all the clitoral stimulators and pussy pleasers
that can assist you in getting the ecstasy you desire!!!
Oral Sex How-To Video
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Clitoral stimulators
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Lotions
and lubricants
othing can smooth out the friction in sexually-charged relationship
like a soothing gel that helps your bodies fit together comfortably.
Ideally, of course, our sex organs produce
natural lubricants that make intercourse a pleasure. But life isn't
always ideal. Some medical conditions can cause vaginal dryness. That
not only reduces the pleasure for a woman, it can make sex downright
painful. If condoms or sex toys are involved, you'll usually need
an artificial lubricant. And for anal sex, generous use of lubricants
is an absolute necessity.
First things first: avoid oily or petroleum-based
lubricants. They can stain bedding. They aren't compatible with your
hard-working but tender body tissues. And they will damage latex condoms
and latex or silicone sex toys.
Nothing can spoil a romantic evening like
a condom that breaks because it was degraded by Vaseline. And you
certainly don't want your prized Rabbit vibrator to start dissolving
in the baby oil you slicked it up with.
The best sexual lubricants are water-based
and have similar chemistry to your own natural fluids. The great-grand-daddy
of these is good old K-Y Jelly, which is still a perfectly good stand-by.
But K-Y and similar products are basically medical supplies and have,
well, an impersonal medical style to them.
The new generation of intimate lubes are specifically
designed for pleasure. They have scents and flavors that suit them
perfectly to oral sex.
For the rest of your body
There are plenty of delightful concoctions
for your body's many erogenous zones that can add delight to your foreplay.
These include massage oils and lotions, and
a fascinating array of gels, creams and powders. Special sensitizer and stimulator
lotions are meant to be applied directly to the clitoris or penis to heighten
arousal and intensify orgasm.
Other examples include scented honey dusts that you
can apply to each other's bodies, then slowly lick off. Or make yourself
a sensual sundae for your lover with a chocolate topping designed
specifically for bare skin!
Lubes & Massage Oils
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Arousal & Shave Lotions
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Touching:
manual & mutual
think of it as Sex Education 101, with you and your partner the only
students in the class. So-called mutual masturbation is when two (or
more!) partners stimulate themselves in front of each other. It's
been called a way to show "the map to our pleasure centers."
Seeing how your partner gets off can help
you stimulate him better. And of course it's true the other way around,
too. Most men start their sex lives with absolutely no idea how a
woman's body responds. Every man can benefit from seeing how their
particular woman pleasures herself.
And for women, we have a lot to learn about
how the penis works and how men like to be touched. As Elaine said
in the famous "shrinkage" episode of Seinfeld, "I don't see
how you guys can walk around with those." Showing us how you walk
around -- and play around -- with your goodies will help us show you
a better time.
The safest sex of all
As a "safe-sex" activity in the gay
community, mutual masturbation is known as a "jack-off party." Bringing
that idea into a heterosexual relationship, you can adapt it as a
"jack-and-jill-off."
Maria Schneider in 'Last Tango'
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There's nothing that says you can't "take
over" for each other and try to duplicate each other's favorite self-stimulation
moves.
In one of the sexiest scenes from that classic
early-70s movie Last Tango in Paris, the woman played by Maria
Schneider tells Marlon Brando's character about her first sexual experience.
She describes sitting in a garden, face to face with a boy, as they
both masturbated for the other to see.
For couples who have birth control or disease
issues, or just aren't ready for full intercourse, this is a safe,
enjoyable alternative.
Masturbation How-To Video
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Self-Pleasuring Video
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Pictures: Home-made erotica
ew inventions have done as much for our sex lives as digital cameras and affordable video cameras.
Not so long ago, it took some courage (and a discreet photo processor) to send
our film off for developing after we'd dared to take some spicy photos of ourselves. There were horror
stories about prudish corporations that refused to print customers' nude photos, or even destroyed their film.
But the digital revolution has changed all that. Computers and digital cameras have
made it easy for anyone to experiment as much as they like with erotic photography and even home-made
bedroom video, in total privacy.
And just about every home computer now comes with software that lets anybody create
their own sexy slideshows. Both Windows and Macintosh systems include video editing programs that make it
easy to transform your private videos into a home-made cinematic masterpiece.
I don't think most of you need to get advice from old Aunty Rose on this subject.
Chances are just about everybody reading this is at least as tech-savvy as I am.
Let me offer just one important caution. It's so easy, and so tempting, to post
a "naughty" digital file online, you can very quickly lose control of an image or clip you meant to keep
private. If you can't resist the urge to upload some pictures of yourselves in revealing situations, consider
using some easy digital tricks to disguise your identities.
Adobe Photoshop, the Gold Standard of digital software, has nifty tools that let you
selectively blur or pixelate parts of a photo. (You've seen this effect on TV, to hide a face, or a license
number, in some news or documentary programs.) Other, less pricey programs have similar tools that let you
be safe, not sorry, when showing off your favorite vacation shots or after-midnight videos.
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Make yourself into a work of art
id you ever look at one of those "Old Master" paintings of a voluptuous nude and imagine having something like that to
hang on your own wall at home? Especially if it's a picture of yourself or your lover?
Samples of what I can do from a photo
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It's now easier than you ever imagined to have a totally unique, custom-commissioned work of
art made, based on your own photograph. And I'm happy to say, this is something I can do for you, personally. It's easy,
it's totally discreet, and it's no more expensive than a dinner for two.
Yes, your Aunt Rose is a professional artist, and I specialize in creating original watercolor
paintings from photographic originals.
These are some examples of pictures I've made. I use several different techniques, full color or
monochrome. And I guarantee I'll produce a beautiful, sexy masterpiece of any body type.
If you want to know more, just click on the pictures above. This takes you to my
"Original Art" page, where I show you more examples of my work, and explain how easy it is to get your own painting made.
Aunt Rose's erotic art
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Kinks:
The 'Alt' world
oes your sex life come in just one flavor? Is it "plain vanilla?"
If so, maybe it's time to bring out that secret kink or unconventional
idea you've been dying to try out. For some ideas about how to introduce
an "alternative" sex practice to your partner, see the sections on
fantasies and video.
Before moving wishes to actions, you may need
to get rid of some outdated ideas. There's nothing "wrong" with any
sex practice that two mature adults agree to, in the privacy of their
own homes, as long as it doesn't cause any lasting harm anyone. The
only other "ironclad" rule, as far as Auntie Rose is concerned, is:
Never hide anything from your partner. The only sexual sin a loving
couple will have trouble working through is dishonesty.
So what do we mean by "kinks?" Here is a very,
very incomplete list.
Some ways to walk on the wild side
Cross-dressing: Wearing clothing of
the opposite sex.
Voyeurism/exhibitionism: The thrill of seeing
or being seen, naked or in a sexual situation. One example is where
a woman does a strip-tease, "pole dance" or other exotic dance routine
for her man.
Anal sex: I'm not sure this even belongs here;
it's gone pretty much "mainstream" in recent years.
Amateur porn: Some couples like to take explicit
pictures or videos of each other.
Dress-up/role-playing: Games like "Doctor/Nurse,"
or "The Professor and the naughty Student" are a couple of examples.
Group sex, including threesomes and foursomes.
If you are considering involving a third party in your sex life, total
openness and honesty with all involved -- including the third party's
own partner -- is especially important. It's also vital that everybody
observes responsible safe sex practices.
Infantilism/scat fetishes: These involve diapers
and bodily functions.
Bondage, discipline, sadism, masochism: These
all fall under the broad topic of "power exchange," which I'll address
in a separate article. (See right.)
"Alt" Sex How-to Video
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Multi-Partner How-to Video
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Power
exchange: Dom & Sub
ne of the most misunderstood sexual topics is what's sometimes called
"power exchange," but is best known as Bondage and Discipline or Sado-Masochism.
These distinct but related practices are often grouped under the heading
"BDSM."
This can be one of the trickiest subjects
to bring up between lovers. It took me more than a year after my marriage
to admit to my husband that I enjoy being tied up during sex. It was
TEN years before we got up the nerve to actually do it!
Some couples enjoy elaborate role-playing
games where one takes a "submissive" role and the other is "dominant."
These can include physical restraints -- bondage -- but sometimes
it's just purely mental discipline or submission.
"Power exchange" means participation is strictly
voluntary. A person who normally plays a powerful role in everyday
life may choose to give that up for an evening and play "sub" to his
sex partner. Some folks can be "sub" one day and "dom" the next. That's
called a "switch." These games don't necessarily involve any physical
pain.
Some do get off on getting or giving pain:
"Sado-masochism" means a partnership where one is sexually aroused
by dealing out punishment (Sadism) and the other from receiving it
(Masochism.)
This is way too complex a topic to cover thoroughly
here. If you're interested, I recommend that you browse the abundant
online resources and look at some excellent books on the subject.
One of the best is called Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns.
It's a very readable guide to the whole world of BDSM.
For the curious, there are starter kits --
simple bondage restraints, blindfolds and the like -- available from
mainstream adult-products dealers. More specialized props are available
from online retailers who cater to the BDSM crowd.
One very important last word. If you don't
remember anything else, remember this: Never, ever, try any BDSM without
a clear, up-front understanding with your partner about your limits,
and agreement on a "Safe Word." If he wants to be tied up and spanked,
yelling "No" and "Stop" may be part of the game. But an arbitrary
Safe Word like "Tangerine" is a totally clear sign he's hit his limit
and wants to stop.
Sensual Submission Video
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Bondage How-to Video
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Care
and cleaning of your toys
hen you were kids, didn't you learn to put your toys away after you
were done playing?
That's still a good idea. Your sex toys need
to be cleaned and stored carefully so they'll work right and give
you a pleasant experience every time.
You know where they've been and you know what
you've gotten on them. So I don't need to explain why you need to
wash them off right away. OK, I'll cut you some slack. If you really
had a good time, you'll probably want to go to sleep instead. So wash
them off when you get up in the morning.
It's really pretty easy. Most sex toys wash
up the same way you do: with a clean cloth and warm soapy water. Just
be sure you don't get water in the battery compartment. If you do,
open it up, take the batteries out, and dry everything out with a
hair dryer.
An extra but very important step for any toys
used in anal play: disinfect them with antibacterial soap or rubbing
alcohol. Of course, you need to be sure that the surface material
won't be harmed by alcohol. The time to find out is when you read
the label before trying your toy out, not after you've ruined it with
the wrong cleaner.
There are now products designed specially
for cleaning sex toys. They sanitize and are harmless to silicone,
latex and other commonly used materials.
If you have any of the new cyberskin products,
apply the special powder that helps preserve the toy's unique feeling.
Whatever cleaner you use, carefully dry off
your toys with a clean cloth and store them in a clean, dust-free
place. If you have nosy relatives or roommates, or inquisitive kids,
find a secure spot to keep these goodies. Best of all is a locked
drawer or cabinet in a bed-side table or nightstand. Or a treasure
chest that can easily slide under the bed.
Sex Toy Cleaner
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Care and cleaning of yourself
t should go without saying, but one of the most considerate acts lovers
can perform for each other is to be diligent about their personal
hygiene.
A shower or bath before making love can make
the experience far more pleasant for your lover. Especially if you
like oral or anal sex, being as clean as possible is essential common
courtesy for your partner.
This doesn't mean I have anything against
the natural sexual scents we all have. Just the opposite. Being sure
we've gotten rid of the day's dirt and sweat is the best way for the
potent aromas and pheromones we produce during arousal to have their
desired effect on our lovers.
Sharing a tub or shower -- and helping each
other soap up all your favorite parts -- can be a wonderful form of
foreplay.
Waterproof Sex Toys
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The
great pubic hair debate
o shave or not to shave?
Most couples communicate fairly well about
their tastes in clothing, hair styles and jewelry. But there's one
important fashion choice that you should also talk about: how you
groom and/or decorate your genitals.
When Auntie Rose was young, this wasn't an
issue. We all grew pubic hair, and that was that. But now it's both
a sexual decision and a matter of personal style whether to trim it,
shave some or all of it, or wax it.
And it's not just a question for women, either.
Many men have also discovered that, just like trimming or shaving
their beards, it's their choice whether to "go bare down there."
I have more to say about why some prefer to
remove their pubic hair and some don't on the "Women's"
page. What I'm talking about here is how you, as a couple, decide
how to suit yourselves and each other.
Comfort, style, and seduction
Why is your guy urging you to shave
or wax? For one thing, for comfort.
Girls, here's one reason to trim your pubic
hair: It can easily get caught between his "rock" and your "hard place"
and make sex feel like you're using sandpaper! When I get a little
behind on my shaving, my guy will remind me that those little hairs
are downright uncomfortable. When I'm freshly shaved and nice and
slick, all the sensations of sex are right on the skin, not insulated
by a layer of hair.
You may like how this style choice feels
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If your man enjoys oral sex, he'll probably
enjoy it more without getting hair in his mouth. Of course, it's true
in reverse, too. Girls, am I right?
Some people still think a guy who likes a
hairless vulva is a pervert. Like he's imagining you as an innocent
schoolgirl. I won't say there aren't guys out there with that particular
fantasy, but for the vast majority of men it's much simpler.
Ladies, did you ever notice that pretty much
every heterosexual male on the planet likes to look at a woman's pussy?
And without pubic hair, it's easier to see.
There. That's it, in a nutshell: Why a guy
likes us to shave or wax. How it feels during sex is a bonus. How
it makes oral nicer is a bonus. And how YOU might enjoy the look and
feel is also a bonus.
Communicate and compromise
Guys, it's fair for you to say what
you like. Just don't be a nuisance about it.
Ladies, it's fair for you to express your
opinion and feelings, too. But keep your minds open. And remember:
It's just hair. If you trim or shave it and don't like the effect,
it will grow back.
And, of course, you both can compromise. Don't
like to shave? Try a nice crewcut. Or one of those cute "landing strips."
Agree to shave your pubic hair if he'll do his! Been trying to get
him to give you more oral sex? That's a deal made in heaven!
And, probably most fun of all: if it's so
important for him, let him do the shaving! He'll enjoy it, and I predict
you will too. (I know I do!)
Pubic Shaving Gear
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Cunnilingus How-to Video
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