How she gets turned on
oth men and women want sex, but what they want is often two very different things.
It's easy for you to come during intercourse, because your
lady's entire vagina is stimulating your penis. But a woman is more likely to reach orgasm
from your hands and mouth on her vulva, because that's how to directly stimulate
her clitoris.
Let's stop right here for a little classroom time, guys. If you're not
familiar with that word, "vulva" means the part of a woman's sex organs you can see.
It's her inner and outer lips ("labia minora" and "labia majora," if you prefer it in Latin.)
Most important, it's the clitoris. It's often hard to see, but it's just as important to your
lover as your penis is to you. In fact, the clitoris is the most sensitive human organ by far.
It has lots more nerve endings than your penis does (about 8,000 in an organ about the size of
a pencil eraser!) It's what triggers the female orgasm.
No matter how proud you may be of your penis size, it doesn't have
much to do with what makes your lover come. If she does have an orgasm during intercourse, it's
mainly because of how your body contacts her clitoris as you thrust yourself into her vagina.
That's why she likes “foreplay” and you like “sex.”
Is this a problem? Only if you make it one. If you each understand what
makes your partner tick, you'll be able to have sexual experiences that satisfy you both.
It's a pretty safe bet that a woman's sexual desire ultimately leads to
pleasure for her, concluding with orgasm(s). This often includes a physical desire for vaginal
penetration, but that isn't always true for all women. Sex researchers like Masters & Johnson
found that women often found vaginal stimulation BY ITSELF was often not satisfying and could
leave them frustrated. But combining vaginal intercourse with more direct stimulation of the clitoris
almost always results in a more satisfying experience.
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A hard man is good to find
He's 'Gladiator.' You will be, too.
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Being responsible: condoms
eal men take responsibility for their lovers' health and safety, whether they be lifetime
partners or new friends on an intimate date. That means protecting the women they make love to from
the hazards of unplanned pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases.
In other words: Real men use condoms. And much as this may conflict with
notions of what "nice guys" do, there's nothing immoral about being prepared. It's better to have
a condom handy in your nightstand or pocket when you become intimate, than to shrug off your
responsibility and have unprotected sex.
That means even if you have only vague hopes of "getting lucky" on a date,
you should Be Prepared. That's how Boy Scouts are, right? They're also trustworthy, helpful, friendly,
courteous and kind, and those are excellent qualities to bring to bed with you.
Condoms
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Don't be afraid to go down
ral sex is an absolute favorite among a majority of women. Smart men understand that.
My husband tells me about a wise old man he once heard make this
observation: "90 percent of men say they love to go down on a woman. The other 10 percent ...
are lying."
One upon a time, some men had a plausible excuse to avoid giving
their partners oral sex. They said they didn't want to have to penetrate a jungle of pubic hair.
Well, that old dodge is pretty much gone, what with today's fashion for clipping, trimming,
shaving or waxing. So, dude: No more beating around the bush. She wants it. Are you ready to deliver?
What's in it for me? you may ask. Well, think about how immersing
yourself in the pheromones of a sexually aroused woman can affect your own brain chemistry.
That's right: you'll be hard as a rock yourself as you go down on your honey.
We won't even get into the possibilities of mutual oral sex, because
that's a matter for the two of you to work out. But whether you get a taste of each other at
the same time or at different times, it's only fair, isn't it? If you want her to suck your
"naughty bits," as the Brits say, be prepared to return the favor.
Go to the head of the class
Time for a little education. Here are some facts every man should know.
What kind of sex do women prefer? Cunnilingus, by 9 to 1, among married women.
But women like vaginal sex, right? Yes, sort of. Actually, only 60 percent
of women say they enjoy conventional intercourse AT ALL.
How do women actually achieve orgasm? From having their pussy eaten,
85 percent of the time. From straight vaginal intercourse, only 25 percent of the time.
So, dude: What does this say about how she feels about you and your penis?
Don't despair. If you are smart enough to give your lover good, sensitive foreplay, she'll be aroused
and receptive. When she's had an orgasm -- or two, or three or more! -- she'll feel just fine about
accommodating you, too.
And don't forget: of those 40 percent of women who say they don't like
vaginal intercourse at all, I'm betting a lot of them just haven't had a man who knows how to do
it right. And that means: with attention to how she's feeling, too.
How to eat pussy like an expert
Take a bath or shower first. Both of you. Best of all, together. That way
you're both as fragrant and tasty as possible.
Act like you mean it. If you really don't want to, don't try to fake it. Believe me,
we can tell. Ever make a "yummy" noise when you're enjoying what you're eating? This is one
dining experience where the appreciative moans are especially welcome.
Get feedback. She'll let you know what she likes, by sounds and by movement. Let her know
that she can feel free to tell you which moves are best.
Easy does it. For many women, the clitoris is way too sensitive to be touched right away.
Try warming her up with a little teasing: stroke, kiss and lick her inner thighs and her belly.
Run your tongue down those cute little valleys between her legs and her body. Kiss her labia
and slowly use your tongue to tease them apart. Lick the sweet-tasting space between the labia,
around the opening to the vagina. Only when she's fully aroused should you make contact with
the clitoris.
Go for the gold. When she's ready, use your lips and tongue on her clitoris. For some women,
indirect contact -- on the hood of skin that covers the head -- is enough. But some want the
direct feel of your mouth on the super-sensitive little bud itself. If so, you might use a finger
to gently pull back the hood. Or burrow under with the tip of your tongue. Just be sensitive enough
to understand the signals she's giving you: more, not too much, faster, slower, etc.
Mix it up. Try a variety of touches. Vary your speed and approach to find out what works
best. And remember that what's "best" may be different from one day to the next. Keep your
mind, and your options, open.
Finish what you start. You'll know when she's close to orgasm, and that's when you need to
keep going. If you've found a groove that she's responding to, DO NOT STOP!
OK, I'll admit it, sometimes a guy can pretty much wear his mouth out
when he's really giving a woman a terrific time, but you won't regret it. (Unless, maybe, you're
a professional brass musician and need to have your "lip" ready for a gig the same night. You
may remember the Seinfeld episode where Elaine's saxophonist boyfriend performed better
for her than he did afterward with his band.)
Cunnilingus How-to Video
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Flavored lubes and gels
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The sexual double standard
adonna or whore? In some views, a woman is either a saintly, virtuous creature, or she's
a wicked temptress. Unfortunately, these opposing notions are both idealized -- and wrong.
Despite what some religious teachings say, real women are more
complicated than that. (We're more interesting, and more fun, too!)
Some men have a hard time being realistic about what women are really
like.
YourVenus
She's a sexy goddess
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If a guy expects a women to be sexual and orgasmic but also still virginal,
he's going to have some mental conflicts. And so will any woman who gets intimate with him.
Do you have an image of your mother as the "perfect" woman? As the "ideal"
wife? As a pure and sexless saint? If you do, you may project some weird vibes on any woman you'd
consider having as your own wife. But here's a news flash: Your mom was, and most likely still is,
a sexual being. How do you suppose you got here, anyway?
Yes, of course she never showed that side of herself to you. Why would she?
Her sex life is none of her kids' business. But you'll make a big mistake if you try to impose this
erroneous mother-as-plaster-saint fantasy on your own marriage.
Any woman should be comfortable with her own sexuality, knowing it's an essential
part of who she is. It shouldn't be something "separate" that's brought out only on special occasions.
A woman who has that perspective will be mentally healthy. A woman with that kind of sexual equilbrium --
and a man who shares it -- are far more likely to have a healthy, happy relationship.
Men and women: BOTH are sexy beasts
Be honest with yourself. Do you get nervous at the idea of your wife or girlfriend
as a sexual creature? Lots of guys feel like their own sex drive is just "Part of who I am." Too many of these
same men have the attitude that any sexual feelings their woman has should only be focused on themselves.
News flash, boys: The female sex drive is every bit as strong, and every bit as
important to who WE are, as your own precious libido. Now don't be getting your shorts, or your ego, in a
twist. This really is good news, fellas.
My guy doesn't worry that I get the hots for a certain actor I won't name here (his
name rhymes with "Bonnie Prep.") He's confident enough to know that my not-so-secret fantasies help me be
more open about my sexual feelings. And who gets the benefit from this? The guy who's reliably in my bed every
night.
When you're open and supportive, and acknowledge that your lady has her own lusts
and horny quirks, you'll both be more secure and have more fun.
Great Sex How-to Video
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Sexual Technique Video
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Foreplay: Taking it slow
ou know "Slow Hand" as an ironic nickname for that most skillful guitarist, Eric Clapton. But do you remember the
old Poynter Sisters lyric, "I want a man with a slow hand"? If you don't know the song, check it out. It's
excellent advice for a guy about how to relax and really please his lover.
Now, I like a nice quickie as much as the next gal. But I wouldn't want my sex life to
be all "Slam, Bam, Thank you, Ma'am" any more than I'd want to eat every meal at Taco Bell. Listen to what the
Poynter Sisters sing: "I want somebody who will spend some time, not come and go in a heated rush."
If you haven't already read about oral sex, go back and do it now.
But even cunnilingus, The Queen of Foreplay Techniques, shouldn't be your first move. A
smart, considerate lover will shower his honey with luxuries and pampering, large and small. Make her feel great,
emotionally and physically, before you first touch her nipple or other erogenous zone.
Like it hot? Then warm her up first.
Have a spa or even a big bathtub? Take a leisurely soak or bubble bath with her.
Give her a back-rub. Yeah, yeah, I know it's a cliche. A lot of you have probably used
this as a ploy to get your date "in the mood." But if it's done right, a nice at-home massage does tell a gal
her guy cares about how she feels.
Dance. Put on her favorite music, and do a little slow number right there in the bedroom,
or wherever else you find yourself with the right kind of privacy. Try this when you're each wearing your favorite
next-to-nothing undies for a little silk-on-skin action. Or totally nude. Warning: those preachers who warn about
the evils of dancing are right. It can lead to sex!
Try some personal grooming services. I can tell you've I've found myself getting hot
and wet when my guy has painted my toenails for me! (OK, like on that TV commercial, you're not "That Guy." But
if you try it, you just might like it.)
Maybe she'd like having you slowly, luxuriously shave her legs -- or her pussy. You'll like
the result, she very likely will enjoy the process.
Don't rush or you'll miss the best part
When the time is right, give the most sensitive parts of her body the attention they need.
Remember: manual or oral stimulation of the clitoris helps get a woman ready for intercourse. Your loving attention
to her pleasure spot during foreplay makes it more likely that she'll have an orgasm during intercourse. And,
if necessary, call it "after-play" to guarantee that she has a satisfying finish if you come first.
One other important piece of advice: You're not a bad lover if your lady doesn't have an
orgasm from penis-in-vagina intercourse. In fact, consider it a bonus if she DOES. It's much more common for her to
need additional, direct stimulation afterward. If she has a favorite vibrator or other toy, make sure she knows you're
comfortable with her using it, with or without your help, to be fully satisfied. I predict you'll find this a very
exciting "icing on the cake" to your lovemaking.
Foreplay How-to Video
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Massage How-to Video
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The truth about penis size
ne size really DOES fit all, when it comes to sex. Any penis can fit in any vagina. But
fact is, there's more to it. And the size of a man's penis does matter in some circumstances.
Don't let this scare you into buying one of those ridiculous
"male enhancement" products, though. Read on for the straight story (sorry) from
someone who knows a thing or two about what to do with a penis.
How big is big enough? Keep these words in mind: "It Depends."
A virgin contemplating her first intercourse may see a large penis
as intimidating. An experienced lover who wants to give a man oral sex may prefer not to
be half-choked on a huge erection. And a small-diameter organ may be most welcome to the
woman who enjoys anal intercourse.
Sometimes bigger IS better. But it may be diameter, not length, that
really makes the difference to women. A very long penis can produce an unpleasant feeling
when it pounds against the cervix. Where we're most sensitive to pleasure is right around the
vagina's opening, not deep inside. Even the famed and mysterious "G spot" is only a couple
of inches from the entrance.
Even though women need direct stimulation of the clitoris to have
an orgasm, most of us do crave the feeling of something big and friendly inside our vaginas.
Plus, we can't forget something we've all been trained to think: Bigger penis = bigger man.
So there may be a psychological payoff in having a well-endowed man. I have to admit that I've
bragged to my girlfriends a time or two about the status symbol my guy keeps in his pants.
Bottom line: it's stupid to worry about how big your penis is. No sane
woman will choose a man just because of your pocket rocket's dimensions. Whatever size "favor"
you bring to the party, the most important thing is to be open and considerate in how you use
it.
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Toys for you that she'll enjoy
uys sometimes make the mistake of thinking sex toys are all for women. You know, the vibrators and
dildoes and other gadgets meant for insertion or for directly stimulating the clitoris.
But some of my very favorite playthings are designed for a guy to wear,
help him stay hard and have a better orgasm, and make it easier for me to come during intercourse.
Kinda the best of all possible worlds, eh what?
Every man should at least experiment with a cock ring. There are several types,
which may use snap closures, or are elastic, for a snug fit and easy (safe!) removal.
Adjustable snap-on leather ring
Waterproof vibrating gel ring
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By concentrating the blood flow in your penis, these work like low-tech viagra
to help you get and keep a firm erection. The best of these are designed so they also tickle the woman's vulva (that's "pussy"
to you, OK?) during sex. These may include little finger-like protrusions that directly rub the clitoris
with each thrust, or massage all around the labia. Many models include a miniature vibrator. This feels
great for the guy, but also gives his female partner the buzz she may need to get off.
Other variations may include a ring around the balls, with gentle vibration bringing
those delicate but sensitive parts into the party, too.
Cock Rings
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Between dates: Solo sex
hen you don't have a sexual partner, you can still avoid sexual frustration. I have some suggestions
for videos to entertain and arouse you, and some fun toys to make your solo workout especially enjoyable.
Hairdo goo
Cameron Diaz in 'Mary'
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Insert your own masturbation jokes here! (Some favorites are those famous scenes
from American Pie and There's Something About Mary.)
OK. That's out of the way, so now you can insert your penis in a very nifty self-stimulator
sleeve.
Of course, it's impossible for me to test these products myself, so I rely on some
good friends who give me reliable reviews.
What I've learned from guys I trust is that a good male masturbation experience
involves two things: visual stimulation and a stimulating touch.
I don't need to tell you what you like to look at, so I'll just point you toward a great
selection of DVDs and Video-on-Demand products. Whatever your tastes, you'll find great values in erotica, featuring
the best production standards in the adult entertainment business.
As far as the physical part is concerned, if you want something more than just your trusty
hand and the lube of your choice, there are two main choices. One popular type of sex toy for men simulates the
sensations of intercourse, in the form of an artificial vagina. These range from a simple latex sleeve to high-tech
electronic devices that lavish an amazing level of attention on your penis.
The other broad category is items that duplicate sensations like a tongue or a pair of
lips; or that vibrate in ways no human body parts can.
Male Masturbators
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DVD Videos
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